Have you ever met someone and you think they’re great and you wanted them to ask you out or ask you out again for that matter?
But they don’t. And it makes you feel unwanted. Or you see someone you’re seriously attracted to at Starbucks. And just as you finally work up the nerve to go and start a conversation, they leave or they start texting or talking to someone else. Or you’re talking to a great guy or gal at a barbecue and it feels like you’re really connecting. Then the conversation stops and they move on and talk to someone else. Suddenly you feel a little embarrassed and wondering why you let yourself get so carried away.
Whatever it is, you are left with feelings of not being good enough and rejected. The truth is, the more of these instances that occur, the more we reject ourselves, and by doing that, we remove any possibility of an eventual successful connection with someone you might really like. It goes directly to the “I’m not good enough” feeling so many have which leads to giving up hope WAY before anything ever has a chance to happen.
Often these feelings stem from messages we received growing up and we find ourselves playing out the old tapes time and time again. But like old tapes, they can be erased and re-recorded into new messages so that you are left with more self-love and confidence. And THAT is what attracts people to you. When you feel good about yourself, so will others.
Here are some simple steps to work towards feeling not only good enough but amazing:
Find YOUR Strengths
Most clients usually bring me a laundry list of what kind a woman or man they want and what they must have. It’s great to think about the kind of partner you would like and the qualities they must have but it’s more important to understand who you are first. Instead of focusing on the woman or the man, focus on YOU.
I tell my clients to write a list of all the things they are good at in their profession, skills/talents, personality traits and what they offer in a relationship. This can be challenging for a lot of people, but I find once people recognize their own strengths, getting what they want is a lot easier. This exercise also helps you come from a place of confidence so that when you are feeling anxious and uneasy about dating, you think of all the fantastic qualities you have and the insecurities go away. Knowing your strengths and accomplishments will also assist you in getting clarity on who deserves you!
Discover Your Passions and What Makes You “Tick”
Once you really hone in on your strengths, focus on activities and hobbies that make you feel good and most of all, confident. Connecting with your passions will help you find the things that make you happy, focus on yourself and even meet other like-minded people.
Be Body Confident
A lot of people focus on what they don’t like about their body, rather than what they do. It’s important to really try and break out of the negative cycle of just seeing things that you don’t like and instead zone in on the positive aspects of your appearance. Once you know what you love about your body, you’ll know how to showcase it.
Stand in front of the mirror and focus on only the things that you like about your appearance. For example, maybe you love the curve of your back or your almond-shaped eyes. Or perhaps you love your strong, shapely calves or toned arms. Write down what you love about your appearance on a piece of paper and review that list whenever you don’t feel beautiful or handsome.
Finally, one of the best things you can do to feel more body confident is understanding the type of body you have and how to best enhance it. Once you do that you can buy clothes that really flatter your figure so you will walk in on a date feeling that sexy confidence. If you don’t yet know what your body type is or how to accentuate your assets, download my free guides on my site.
Stop Comparing Yourself With Others
It is particularly hard in a world today to filter out all of the outside noise and pull in to look at yourself. With social media depicting nearly picture perfect lives and photo-shopped faces, it’s easy to get caught up in the vacuum of other people’s lives in comparison to yours. I often tell my clients to go on a social media fast so that they can really focus on themselves. It’s amazing how a lack of screen time can help you detox and have a fresh perspective of your life.
The important thing to keep in mind is that the negative messages you received in the past is negatively influencing how you feel about yourself today, and that’s not at all helpful or valid. This also could be preventing you from finding love. To counteract those old beliefs, I encourage you to start these exercises to start loving yourself and feeling sexy and confident in your own skin. And to really jumpstart your life in 3 days, come to my live event in Vegas this November, The Makeover Blueprint where you will experience first hand more confidence, connection and love.
Find out more about at Kimberly Seltzer