How Your Fear of Being Seen Is Preventing You from Finding Love
When I first divorced as a mom with young kids, my wardrobe consisted of oversized black shirts, baggy pants and Birkenstock sandals. I didn’t feel very sexy so my clothes camouflaged me from the world and protected me from getting attention that I feared. I was literally hiding in my clothes.
This armor served a purpose at the time, but then I was tired of not being seen and missing opportunities in my life. It wasn’t until I got new attire, changed my attitude and was proactive in becoming more social that I started gaining confidence and attracting love.
I’ve worked with several male and female clients lately who have been hiding and shared the same fear of being seen. People can hide in several ways such as in their clothes, body language, messaging and actions. Here are areas in your life you may be hiding and how you can slowly gain the confidence to put yourself out there to attract love.
Are You Hiding in Your Clothes?
Whether it’s because you lost a bunch of weight or you don’t want to bring attention to yourself, you might be hiding by wearing bigger clothes or drab colors to blend in. Often this isn’t intentional but a subconscious way to build a protective cocoon around you. Instead, go on a shopping spree and buy new updated clothes that fit your body and incorporate more color that bring out your essence.
Are You Hiding With Your Body Language?
You might be sending people messages that you are not available just by your nonverbal cues. For example, crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact and walking fast with your head down are all ways you may be saying to others you don’t want to be seen.
Be aware of how you are putting yourself out there by making a conscious effort to stand straight, smile and place yourself in the room where you are more likely to engage in conversation. For instance, if you walk in a restaurant sit at the bar next to interesting people instead of at a lonely table in a dark corner.
Are You Hiding in Your Messages to Others?
Pay attention to how you talk about dating and your feelings around relationships. Perhaps you have been hurt in the past, have had bad dating experiences or just getting over a relationship that causes you to speak in a negative manner.
It might not even be intentional, but your pessimistic attitude can literally push people away. This is a form of self-sabotaging behavior that may act as a way of you “staying in your story” and thinking everyone is the same. Really be cognizant of keeping topics light and positive when on dates and are in social situations. That positivity is magnetic and attractive.
Are You Hiding With Your Actions?
It’s hard to push yourself to come out from under the covers and go out the door when you are feeling unmotivated or fearful. If you find yourself avoiding going out and instead staying home or getting wrapped up in your work, that is a form of hiding. You need to create social opportunities for yourself such as events, parties and classes so you get out and exercise the social muscle, otherwise it will stay atrophied.
So for those of you who are ready to come out of your shell, love your body and be seen, start making these small shifts and you will create bigger changes for who you attract in your life. And if you need more personalized support in making over your life, contact me for a free consultation.
Find out more about at Kimberly Seltzer