How to Succeed in Dating: No Expectations
“I know as human beings, we’re full of expectations. But that alone can literally ruin everything for you. Because the key to really healthy dating is to have zero expectations at all.”
I’m going to tell you right now: the only way you’re going to succeed in dating…
Is to have zero expectations.
I know as human beings, we’re full of expectations.
We meet somebody cool and new and immediately we cast into the future.
We literally become future casters.
We think about the main reason the person can be the person for us.
Maybe they’ll be somebody that will stop the string of bad days.
Maybe they’ll be our next great relationship.
It’s how we’re wired. Every date that we go on, we hope it’s the last first date we have to go on. We’re wired for love. That’s what we are as people.
But that alone can literally ruin everything for you.
Because the key to really healthy dating is to have zero expectations at all.
You see, when we have expectations, those expectations are never really truly met.
When we go into a date with a story or an intent, we’re not fully present.
See, when I go into a date, all I think about is this is an opportunity to discuss the day, spend the evening, spend a few hours with that person.
With somebody that I don’t know. Somebody who can show me new things, teach me new things. Somebody who can share their perspective on life.
I’m fully present in every word that they say because I have zero expectations from the date.
But don’t get me wrong, I used to be an expectation dater.
I’m a romantic. I see somebody, get excited about them, and I have expectations of how I want the date to go. It’s only human nature.
But as I got older, and especially after coaching people for the last 17 years of my life, I realized that…
Expectation dating is extremely dangerous…
Because you’re missing the majority of the date.
As a matter of fact, you’re missing just about everything that’s going on because when you have an expectation when you go into a date, you tend to want the date come out a certain way.
So in turn, you’re trying to energetically manipulate it and even manipulate it with words.
A lot of men will do that, too. They make a decision they want to sleep with a girl on the date, and they try to find their way to get to the girl’s bedroom, when in reality, she’s not ready yet. She’ll be ready in two dates, but they miss the whole opportunity to really connect with her emotionally. What happens next is the girl never wants to see them again.
It’s a dangerous way to date because it’s never going to get you the love that you want or the love that you desire.
That’s why it’s such a beautiful thing to just go into a date with absolutely zero expectations. None at all. Think of dating as an opportunity to hang out with somebody you’ve never hung out with before. Have a conversation with somebody brand new. A conversation that could lead to something. You could learn something.
You could meet somebody really cool and really amazing.
You can learn something about yourself.
You could connect with somebody who can potentially be a relationship for you, and the only way you’re going to do that is having zero expectations. Expectation dating is dangerous, but being present dating is the way to go.
So think about it the next time you’re on a date. Think about the expectations that you have.
Think about the needs, wants, and desires that you want fulfilled by this total stranger.
And start to realize that the only way this will ever happen is if you actually stay 100% present to what the person is because that’s when all the gems, that’s when all the beautiful moments can actually happen naturally and not forced with expectations.
Find out more about at David Wygant