6 Things Aging Parents Want From Their Adult Children
Growing old isn’t easy for anyone; those who are getting old and those who are taking care of them, while still not getting any younger. Everyone who has ever experienced their parents getting old and ill knows how much difficult it can get. On the other hand, most of us are facing it in the future, and there are some things that you should know and accept before this experience comes along in your life. Here are some tips on how to handle these situations in the best manner for both sides. 6 Things Aging Parents Want From Their Adult Children
Patience 6 Things Aging Parents Want From Their Adult Children
First of all, you will need tons of patience. This may sound like an easy job if you consider yourself to be a patient person in general. But even the most patient people are surprised by how much they need to give in order to resemble the piece. The world was a much different place when your parents were young, and the same way as you, they fought with time and tried their best to keep track. At some point, they can’t keep it anymore. So if they call you to turn their air condition on, or to handle their phone, be patient. Yes, you have shown the same thing like twenty times, but at some point, they just lose interest to keep the track. This is why they need you to be patient and help them every time they got stuck in the new age.
Acceptance 6 Things Aging Parents Want From Their Adult Children
Acceptance is a great part of any hard situation. Your parents might get sick or unable to take care of themselves, but that is a part of life too. You need to accept it in order to move on. They can often be stubborn as well, and there’s also nothing you can do. Getting them to go to the gerontological center or senior home center isn’t easy and if they refuse it for a long time, you might have to accept that as well. It is hard on you, but this is their life, and it’s coming to its end. Try to understand how hard that can be and accept their wishes.
Among all of the things you are handling at the moment, your job, children and their lives, bills and mortgage- you may feel like your parents are a burden. Sometimes they are, and it is normal to feel that way. On the other hand, you are all they have and they rely and depend on you. You need to understand that they don’t like being old and helpless. Among other feelings, they feel ashamed and quilty. So make sure you ease this for them as much as you can. Understand their feelings and needs, don’t make it look like it’s too hard for you to take care of them.
Growing old makes you feel alone and sad. Being there for the old people is the important part of their well being. And not just in a physical, helping-out way but also being there to listen and talk to them. Old people like to tell the stories (sometimes those are the same stories again and again) and they like to have someone who will listen. This means more to them than you would think. Other than them just wanting to chat, you can also learn a lot of things from these stories. They might be old and out of the track, but they are more experienced and wise and, as much as these stories don’t seem so informative now, someday you might remember them and actually use the advice.
Asking for help
Life can get hard enough on your own. If your parents are sick and you are not being able to take care of them without that influencing your life heavily, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Some parents have a hard time accepting it, but sometimes this is the best for them. There are so many good and quality options nowadays, and you can find seniors care home which is just perfect for your parents. They will get professional medical help and attention here, and the company of their age.
Old people tend to reminiscence their past and feel guilty or remorse for some things. It may consider their life choices or even some raise methods they had as parents. Make sure you let them know that you don’t hold any grudges and, if there was anything to be forgiven, that it has been. They did their best and they also had to handle a bunch of things. However, if the issues are more serious, make sure to talk to them and let them know how you feel.
Being kind and showing compassion are the basic postulates of handling the old people. This refers to all of them and not just your parents. As much as it can get hard on you, it is harder for them. Show all of the patience you have, and they will thank you for it.article by Leila Dorari
How Well Do You Accept Feedback? constructive criticism michelle tillis lederman
I have always disliked the phrase ‘constructive criticism’. It never sat right with me. I always thought it just seemed like a way to make yourself feel better about picking on me or someone else.
I prefer to think about feedback as simply, information.
We don’t have to label it negative or positive – it’s just information that might help someone improve. It might increase someone’s awareness and help them to develop in their career. But whatever you call it, sometimes you’re going to hear things that you don’t want to hear and things that may be difficult to hear. Especially when you know those things are true.
A recent reader asked me, “How do you accept feedback gracefully?”
I love that phrase because that’s exactly what I want people to strive for. With more love of alliteration, I created: How to Score an ‘A’ at Receiving Feedback. Enjoy!
First and foremost, listen to what is said. It sounds simple, but it’s amazing how often that doesn’t happen. Really listen and take it in what they are saying to you.
Don’t be defensive! Sometimes this happens verbally – defending or explaining ourselves or speaking too quickly before we have really thought it over. Other times it happens in our body language, we cross our arms to protect from what we are about to hear. The result when we close our bodies is that we also close our minds. Open up.
Ask For More
Listening is great, but take it a step further. Probe deeper into what is said and seek to understand. Ask for specifics to make sure you’re clear on an example so you can recall it in your mind.
After you are sure you understand the situations, confirm by summarizing them. It’s a good step to ensure your clarity.
This one might stop you in your tracks. I can just see you thinking, “But what if I don’t actually agree?” …You don’t have to agree with everything that is said. Try to find and agree with something specific so that the two of you are on common ground, and you can have a graceful reaction in the moment.
There’s one side of this that we never think about. If you’ve ever been on the other end of this type of interaction, then you know that it’s not always easy to share this kind of thing. It may be difficult to hear, but it takes courage and candor for them to bring it up in the first place. Try to remember and appreciate that.
Ask and Invite
Don’t keep the appreciation inside – voice it! Take initiative to ensure them that their feedback was appreciated and invite them to continue providing it in the future. When you have somebody who is willing to tell you valuable information, don’t let it be one and done. Leverage that source!
Then finally, USE the feedback they give you. Even better, circle back with the person who provided the feedback and let them know what you did with it, so that they feel like their feedback was valuable.
Next time you receive feedback from someone, try to keep these steps in mind. If you can get even half of them down, you will increase your ability to not just hear the feedback gracefully, but to also put it into action.learn more about michelle tillis lederman
How To Get The Respect You Deservearticle by Michelle Tillis Lederman
This email from a reader really got me fired up:
“I have a work issue that I am hoping you can help with. My boss is extremely disrespectful towards me and speaks to me like I am an idiot. I would like some ideas on how to turn this around – I feel like I get attacked (verbally) at least several times a week.”
Not cool! These situations are complex, and while I don’t know her specific circumstances, I wanted to pass along some thoughts on communicating with a disrespectful boss in a way that is diplomatic, but firm.
First: They may not be aware of how you are interpreting their tone.
It is perfectly acceptable to let them know that the way they’re communicating with you makes you feel disrespected. When you approach them on this, use ‘I’ statements.
For example, “When you speak to me in that tone, I feel like you are being disrespectful — is that your intent?”
Using an ‘I’ statement keeps them off the defensive, and asking if that’s their intent will tell you whether or not they even realize they’re doing it. Watch their body language for a more complete answer beyond the words they say.
If they don’t realize they’re being disrespectful, it’s time for you to set boundaries. You can let them know that you understand that they’re under stress, but that doesn’t negate the requirement of speaking to others professionally and respectfully. If they continue to treat and speak to you in that manner, you will walk away until they can communicate in a more professional way.
You may want to document the occurrences and keep a record. Remember that there is always the option of going to your HR department; it doesn’t need to be an official complaint, but that way someone else is aware of what’s going on. Always give the person a chance to fix it first, but remember that you have resources you can draw upon if you need them.
Following these suggestions can help you remember that you are able to set healthy workplace boundaries for yourself, and will allow you to have those difficult conversations with grace and poise.article by Michelle Tillis Lederman
Solutions to Tackle Communication Breakdowns at Work
Regardless of your ideological views or political persuasion, these are turbulent times around the world. I’ve noticed a sense of angst, heightened anxiety, and a palpable change in how people treat each other personally and professionally.
It’s time to get back to what distinguishes us as human beings – treating one another with compassion, dignity, and respect. Even those with whom we disagree the most deserve to be treated with care.
As a career development and leadership coach. I’ve seen communication breakdowns lead to dysfunctional work environments that breed toxicity and extinguish morale. Righting the communication ship is not impossible. In fact, getting back to basics will help make communication at work, and in your personal life more effective and satisfying.
Empathy is recognizing emotions in others and being able to put yourself in another person’s shoes. It helps you understand the other person’s perspective and reality. You need not agree with the other person but being empathetic requires you to think beyond yourself and your own concerns and allows you to discover another point of view.
To use empathy more effectively, consider these action steps from MindTools.com
- Put aside your viewpoint and try and see things from another person’s point of view
- Validate the other person’s perspective
- Examine your attitude. Are you open to discover new things?
- Ask what the other person would do. Encourage them to explain their position.
Leadership from the Core founder and principal, Marcel Schwantes believes the secret to communicating well is to be emotionally present. This begins with listening intently. Active listening is a skill you can hone.
Perhaps you’ve experienced a scenario when someone talked over you while you desperately tried to convey your message but never felt as if you were heard.
Being silent is tough for many but this is an essential behavior when listening. Being an active listener allows you to hear with your eyes and ears. Open and receptive body language is important to fully absorb what the other person is saying and honor their airtime.
Resist the urge to jump in with a solution or a contribution. Allow the speaker to finish. Know that moments of silence allow for comprehension and processing.
When the speaker is finished, ask clarifying questions to ensure that you have understood them correctly. Paraphrase salient bits of the content using language like: “What I heard you say is…” and give the presenter the space to illuminate, if needed.
Bad things happen when good people say nothing. If you witness inappropriate behavior, consider how you can intervene to mitigate the situation. Being an advocate for others is a key part of trusting relationships and impactful communication.
Be a true leader and model the way for positive and supportive interactions. It takes courage and bravery to speak up when something inappropriate happens. These acts of courage will soon permeate to create a culture of advocacy with positive benefits.
As the iconic bumper sticker says, Mean People Suck. Differences in style, opinion, and ideological viewpoint will always happen. Research has shown that diverse perspectives on a team lead to more creative solutions and productivity.
When we lose civility with those with whom we disagree, we miss the entire point of diverse perspectives. Better Angels is a non-profit national citizen’s movement created to reduce political polarization in the United States by bringing together opposing viewpoints to understand each other and teach practical skills for communicating across political differences.
Disagreement is healthy but waging war at work when colleagues disagree is debilitating and toxic.
I see professionals spiral in communication meltdowns when they focus on a singular either/or scenario. Most workplace conflict can be solved with compromise or an alternative solution that is not yet on the table.
Instead of heading into a negotiation in attack mode, consider these communication prompts to diffuse the emotion and focus on jointly created solutions.
- How can I help?
- Can we come together to find a solution?
- Let’s meet halfway…
Stop the Blame Game
Renowned author and research professor at the University of Houston, Brenee Brown is teaching the world how to be brave leaders. I’m a Brenee Brown fan and I especially love her video on blaming, which makes us all recall a scenario when we blamed someone else inappropriately.
Relationships will be more authentic and trusting when we stop the blame game and take responsibility for our actions. This requires humility and vulnerability, which can make us feel uncomfortable.
Growth happens when we are uncomfortable. If you have done something wrong – own it. Ask for forgiveness and offer a genuine apology. Don’t ruminate on something that happened. Address it head on and set the groundwork for a new beginning.
Gossip is Toxic
We all know that gossip is harmful, hurtful and rarely if ever based in truth. Yet, I have clients in organizations of all sizes and industries who report that gossip is pervasive in their workplace.
Be firm in your commitment not to gossip. What might seem innocent at first can grapevine into something that ruins a reputation and causes serious harm.
Go to the source and nip the gossip in the bud. Don’t succumb to collegial peer pressure if you hear gossip shared amongst colleagues. Don’t take the bait – walk away and be firm in your conviction not to participate.
As Michelle Obama once said, “When they go low – we go high.” Taking the high road can be lonely but it’s always the right thing to do.
Set the Ground Rules
I work with many hiring managers who talk about the “no jerk policy” when sourcing candidates for open positions. Every team should come together to set ground rules for behavior and communication. If the team creates the ground rules this will enhance buy-in and accountability.
If your team has been together for a while, refresh your ground rules. Consider how new hires will change the dynamic and give them the opportunity to share in the creation of the revised code of conduct.
Validation Makes the World Go ‘Round
We know intellectually that it’s OK to disagree with someone and that diverse viewpoints lead to strong teams and productive organizations. Emotions get high when we don’t feel validated when trying to share our point of view.
Take a moment and breathe before you speak and use the intentional pause to honor others by being an active listener.
Your willingness to own your mistakes, apologize and be grateful are the foundation of strong communication. We can work out our differences and we must tap our better angels to do so with compassion, dignity, and respect – even when it’s difficult.article by caroline dowd-higgins
Top 11 Practices of Brilliant LeadersARTICLE BY AMYK HUTCHENS
Lately, it seems that the lists of insider tips and tricks and the secret steps to success are hardly an insider’s secret anymore. Need a few new, creative, no-nonsense maxims that will ignite brilliance in your leadership? Read on and get sparked by 11 AmyKisms sure to set you up for success. And if you want more detail on how to execute each of these AmyKisms, visit us at www.amyk.com.
- Always have an agenda based on questions.
Questions provoke critical thinking and promote engagement. Meetings centered on question-based agendas yield greater productivity, creativity, and performance. They keep people awake too.
- Balance is a myth – prioritization aligns everything.
Pursuing “balance” is distracting at best; futile more often than not. Thoughtfully setting and living your priorities produces alignment, and with that, an energy that’s sustainable.
- Stop talking. Start doing.
Over-analysis leads to paralysis. Newton’s Law of Motion is a law for a reason – take a step; even a small step is often revealing enough to guide your next step. And, by the time you take your next, you’ve already created momentum. Step forward…now!
- Celebrate. Often. Bubbly optional.
Stop waiting to celebrate. Acknowledging the mini-wins along the way increases motivation. Sometimes, even a week of small measurable progress is worth a toast.
- Accountability is not a dirty word.
A-Players crave clarity and will out-perform when expectations and deliverables are well-defined. C-Players…not so much. For them, accountability exposes performance gaps, and it’s hard to hide in a gap.
- Choose your thoughts. Wisely.
Thoughts always precede feelings. Can’t help the way you feel?! Think again. Literally. Your thoughts (perspective) determine your feelings, which will cause you to react in a certain way. Your actions then lead to a result that will always go back and prove your original thought “true”. Break the negative self-fulfilling process – choose a better thought!
- Just because you’re sure, doesn’t mean you’re right.
We think we know facts. What we really know is simply our version, our perspective of reality. It’s a truth, our truth, but is it a shared truth beyond our unique perspective?!
- Smart leaders know things. Brilliant leaders question what they know.
Great leaders own their own ignorance. Ask, What am I missing?, prior to answering a question, and your final response will be a great deal more reflective, evaluative and predictive. With that, your value to those you lead will increase.
- You can’t force your customers to drink, but you sure can make ‘em thirsty!
We can’t make prospects buy anything and we can’t force those we lead to follow. With the right communication tools, however, we can make ‘em thirsty. The best tools used well will make them thirsty for what we offer and request.
- Start your day with water.
Like it or not, you wake up dehydrated. Your brain craves and needs water. Before you down a cup of caffeine, drink a glass of water. Your cognitive capability improves and your physical and mental energy increases. A great ROI for such a simple act – drink up!
- Leadership happens one conversation at a time. You are responsible for the quality of this conversation.
Prepare for each critical conversation. What’s the right focus and framework? How do you structure your messaging for the best outcome? Take responsibility for the conversation. Lead the conversation. Own the Conversation.
Success Shortie: How To Disagree Diplomaticallyarticle by Michelle Tillis Lederman
Opinions are good! So are differences in opinion. Success Shortie: How To Disagree Diplomatically
Different opinions broaden our perspective and enable us to look at things from a new angle. Reaping the rewards of inclusive problem solving and decision-making can only be reaped if you communicate that difference effectively.
How we share that difference of opinion can open up or shut down the conversation. Commonly, we agree and counter. That often sounds like, “Yes, but…” Or we disagree and dismiss with, “you’re wrong. What we should do is…”
Most of us don’t realize that we are doing this because during the conversation we are focused on our opinion, not how we are going to deliver it. But the other person in the conversation is going to be far more likely to receive your opinion if you handle the transition well.
Next time try the acknowledge and add tactic which I explain in this Success Shortie. When you implement this approach, you do not dismiss, offend or shut the other person down. You also don’t agree. You simply add.
Learn more about the acknowledge and add technique and hear examples of ways to phrase it in my Success Shortie: How to Disagree Diplomatically.
Why Do Introverts Struggle To Ask For Help?ARTICLE BY CAT ROSE
Asking for help is difficult for most people.
It forces us to admit our shortcomings; our weaknesses; our vulnerability.
It reveals us as the bruised peaches we are – not the shiny, unspoiled apples we wish to be seen as.
Brené Brown would, I’m sure, give me some sage advice like:
Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.
Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.
For me, asking certainly fits into that ‘uncomfortable but good-for-you’ category.
But I already know how it makes me feel… now I want to understand WHY.
Here’s my theory about why introverts, like myself, struggle to ask for help.
A common sexist assumption I grew up hearing was, ‘men will never ask for directions.’
Ridiculous as it sounds, I did notice my own father would never, EVER ask for directions (he was even resistant to getting a sat nav.)
In fact, he voiced proudly, that he never asked for anything.
One day I pointed out that he had asked me to tidy my room. His response was: “That wasn’t a request, it was an order.”
In recent times, however, I wonder if it’s not his gender that leads this resistance to asking: but the fact that he is an introvert.
I’ve taken various tests based on the Myers-Briggs Personality Indicators, and I to am an introvert to the core (INTJ, to be precise.)
I too, find it nigh impossible to ask for anything without feeling like I’m taking up space, time, or resources.
Like I’m a crab without a shell.
I learned a lot from Amanda Palmer, but asking for help still doesn’t come easily.
So what does introversion have to do with the inability to ask?
Of course, I’m not suggesting extroverts all find asking is easy.
However, many traits associated with introversion could make the psychological aversion to asking more extreme:
One trait common to introverts is our self-sufficiency. We draw energy from within, not from our external environment.
We think. A lot. Often to a fault. For me, that means I’m used to coming up with (often unnecessarily elaborate) solutions on my own.
It’s not that I believe my solution will be better: I’m just so used to looking inward to help.
2. Heightened self-awareness
It’s this strong sense of self that can make the inward-looking introvert more self-conscious than extroverts and therefore more concerned about looking weak or foolish when asking for help.
This is up for debate of course, as many would say this inward focus could make introverts less concerned about the outside world… but it hasn’t been my experience!
3. We like being alone
Finally, there is a practical reason: we work best alone. Physically, we don’t do our best problem-solving around people.
Particularly now that we are able to consult the online compendium of knowledge, we can do most of our asking alone.
Working on problems in groups, or asking others for help in person, however, requires us to be around people!
If I can take my answers from Quora, I will.
So what does all this mean: do we, introverts, just accept that we aren’t great askers?
Slowly but surely, these women have opened my eyes to:
- Why we can’t do it all alone (and why we don’t have to try.)
- How good asking CAN feel when we realize the support exists (I think of AFP crowd-surfing to remind myself of this.)
- How to use our inner strength (which introverts have plenty of) to brace for the answers we don’t want.
How To Get The Answer You Want
How do you feel about airline change fees?
Not a fan? Honestly, if someone is trying to change their flight for any reason, they are likely already having a bad day.
I don’t mind the fees so much – as long as I can make the adjustments I need and the people on the other end of the line are pleasant about it.
In 2018, I had to fly to Michigan for a training. No single airline matched the times needed, so I booked through a third-party website on multiple carriers.
Do you ever read the fine print with all the restrictions when you are booking? I must admit, I do not. I just assumed if I needed to make a change, there would be a fee.
When there was a change in the client’s schedule and I needed to change my flight, I was shocked to learn that I bought a ticket that didn’t allow changes, at all, not even for a fee! Just no.
Huh? I was confused, surprised, but took a breath and stayed calm even though I was feeling the panic rising. Sandy, the customer service representative, was nice and explained that I bought a highly restrictive ticket and there was nothing she could do. Period.
In the past, this may have been the time I yelled, got upset and demanded to speak to her supervisor. I don’t do that anymore. Instead, I said…
“Well, that’s a bummer! Any chance you can make some magic happen?”
She kindly and patiently replied that it wasn’t something that she could do. I said that I understood, and shared with her the impact of the change. In our exchange I got her to laugh. She warmly received the information and said she understood and wished she could help. So I said…
“Is there anyone else there who could make the magic happen?”
She offered to transfer me to her manager, warning me that she didn’t think they could help me either. I said that I understood, but that it was worth a shot and I would appreciate being transferred. As she was agreeing, I lightly slipped in, “Tell them I am nice.” Which received another laugh.
I sat on hold for a while waiting for the supervisor to come on the line only to have Sandy come back on the line clearly excited to tell me that she made the magic happen!
She talked to the manager for me, and they were going to make the change to my flight without even charging me a fee!
It took an hour but saved me many more hours. I couldn’t have hoped for a better outcome. So what is the takeaway? Next time you get stuck in a hard situation, remember:
1. It never hurts to ask.
2. It always helps to ask nicely. (Click HERE to Tweet!)
Is there something you’d like to ask for, that you haven’t? Go ask now!
Remember the power of nice. Make someone want to help you, and you are more likely to get the answer you want.