Is there so much on your plate that you feel you don’t have time to take care of yourself – and hence would feel guilty if you took the time?
It’s a common problem – one I hear from my clients often. And it arises from a bunch of interconnected beliefs that are difficult to separate and deal with. Beliefs that limit your ability to take care of yourself even though you want to do so (and believe you should be able to).
Why You Feel Guilty About Self-Care
Conventional wisdom says that acknowledging the necessity of self-care will help you get over the guilt. But that’s not enough. I’m guessing you understand the necessity of self-care – but it’s not doing much about the guilt you feel.
Self-care guilt arises from many different – yet interrelated – factors. And to shake it, you must identify and deal with each one. Today I want to focus on 5 common reasons why you feel guilty about prioritizing self-care and what to do about them.
Reason #1: You don’t understand what self-care is.
Self-care isn’t about doing something to make you feel good, to escape, or to indulge. Yet that’s what most people think that it is. And it’s also not about putting a bunch of to-dos on your list. In fact, it’s often about taking things away from your to-do list.
Self-care is simply about taking care of yourself physically, mentally/emotionally, and spiritually so that you don’t feel a need to escape your life. The point of self-care is to take care of your mental, physical, and spiritual well-being.
What’s selfish about that? Here’s your answer: nothing.
Self-care isn’t about adding a bunch of stuff to your to-do list. It’s primarily about your mindset, what you believe about yourself, and how you live your life.
And all this worry about being selfish? If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll become needy. And needy people are always selfish. So, by NOT prioritizing self-care you’re actually being selfish. How about that for a big “aha” moment?
Reason #2: You believe that prioritizing something means you must do it at the expense of something else.
There’s a common belief that prioritizing something means that something else won’t get done. That it comes at a cost. But that’s not necessarily true. And it’s especially not true when it comes to self-care.
Here’s the equation most of us work from:
To-Do List Obligations = Work Obligations + Family Obligations + Chores + Friends + [Other Obligations]
There’s no room for self-care because we believe that adding it means taking something away from the equation. But if you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll have more stress and less energy. And your ability to get stuff done decreases. You won’t do a good job – and you might even drop the ball entirely.
So, self-care is necessary if you want to do all the things in the equation above. And it’s especially necessary if you want to do them well.
Here’s the thing: self-care isn’t even a part of the equation above. It comes into play before the equation ever comes into the picture.
Reason #3: Your self-worth is determined by your external achievements and how productive you are.
Is your self-worth determined primarily from what you achieve – and even how productive you are? Is it determined by your outcome? The problem with this is a lack of control. Although you have control over your input, you don’t have control over much of what affects the outcome.
Wouldn’t you rather base your self-worth on how you live your life – how you behave and treat others and whether you honor your deepest values? These are things that you do have control over – and it’s ultimately what will make you happy.
For help with how to clarify and honor your values, grab my Inner Compass Values Assessment workbook here:
For obvious reasons, self-care is a necessary component to your self-worth. You’re more likely to treat others well and have clarity around (plus be able to live) your values when you’re taking care of yourself.
But there’s more to it than that.
Self-care is about self-respect. If you respect yourself then you’ll take care of yourself.
And there’s no shame in asking for help. People are here for a reason – to connect with and care for others. This isn’t a one-way street. You too are meant to be cared for. So, let other people care for you by asking for help from time to time.
Reason #4: You don’t say “no” even when you want to.
This one is a biggie for the majority of my clients. They feel “obligated” to say yes – especially if being asked to use a skill or talent that they’re good at. Please don’t let others use your talents and skills against you (it’s not a requirement that you do everything you’d be good at).
Learn to say “no”. I know this is hard – I coach on it often. But start rethinking what it means to say no so that you can create strong boundaries for yourself. Because when you set and uphold strong boundaries you’re respecting yourself.
Saying “no” is really saying “yes” to yourself and those you love most. When you say “yes” to things you know you shouldn’t (and really don’t want to be doing), it’s limiting the amount of time you have to do the things you love – including serving those you love most.
One reason it’s so difficult to say “no” is because you’ve been convinced that you’re supposed to do “it all”. I’ve talked about this before: not only is doing “it all” impossible, you don’t even want it. Go back and read (or re-read the article) if you need to. It’s the biggest “should” of all time. And it’s time to drop it.
Reason #5: You treat your time as though it’s not yours.
News flash: your time is yours. No one else owns it. Act like it.
This is so simple – and obvious – yet often not fully appreciated. Stop giving your time away as though it’s endless. Because it isn’t. You won’t ever get it back once spent.
People spend a lot of time focusing on time-wasting (especially through social media). And rightly so. But just as important is how you waste your time by giving it up freely to others when you could be doing something much better for yourself.
Use your time wisely, guard it, and treat it as the precious commodity it truly is.
Practicing Self-Care is the Best Way to Honor Yourself
The best way to love and honor yourself (and treat yourself as the worthy human that you are) is to practice self-care. When you learn to prioritize it, it’ll become natural to you and a part of who you are. And you’ll be happier, healthier, and feel more you – without the guilt.
The Power of the Mind The Power of the Mind
The blessing of being human is the fact that we have a consciousness. Unlike animals, we have the ability to choose and to act upon our free will. Animals do not have free will. A horse cannot become a painter or violinist anymore than a rose can choose to become a tulip. A tree is rooted to where its seeds have been planted. If ants wish to invade the tree, there is little the tree can do. And even a horse, if a man wishes to tame a horse and breaks its will to be free, he can.
Man has dominion over the land and in the end, in spite of the horses wild and free nature, man can do what he wishes to the horse including killing it if he chooses to do so. The Power of the Mind
The human mind is not stuck inside its skull like the tree is rooted to the ground that supports it. Our mind is NOT like the horse, in that, ultimately there will be a force greater than our own that can control it. Although adult abuse survivors may feel they are being controlled by others, the truth is, it is only the belief that others can control them that is holding them back.
The mind IS like a horse and a tree in that it can get stuck and run wildly at the same time. Adult abuse survivors feel like their minds are running all over the place while their bodies, spirits, relationships, careers and alike make them feel stuck. We are vacuum sealed wild spirits who have been enslaved by the abusive and dysfunctional beliefs created by others that have been stored in the subconscious mind. The Power of the Mind
The only way out is by going within. The Power of the Mind
You are the horse and you are the rider as well. And in addition, you are the consciousness wishing to learn how to tame the horse that is your mind. You are everything and everything is you.
Today, consider the power you hold within you to be able to tame your thoughts, confront your beliefs, and direct your life where you wish it to go.
Coming face to face with the enormous power we have over our lives can be overwhelming and especially after a life lived believing we were powerless to the will of others. The Power of the Mind
Change does not come in one giant step. Like learning to talk, we make the sounds ‘da da’ and ‘ma ma’ first. Tame one thought–tame one emotion–tame one belief today and you are on your way to being able to claim and even say, I Am ‘supercalifragilisticexpialidocious’, which means, ‘I Am extraordinarily good’.
And you are Dear One…you truly are.article by lisa a. romano
How To Feel Your Best When You Don’t Feel Good Enough
One of the most soul-crushing feelings in the world is feeling like you are not good enough. Someone close to you may have caused this feeling or maybe it’s something that you have developed from viewing society as a whole. Whatever the core source is, it’s a completely un-ideal feeling that is totally reversible. How To Feel Your Best When You Don’t Feel Good Enough
When feelings like this arise, there are some important things you should definitely remember.
Your self-worth cannot be defined by an outside source.
Any voice that has told you that you are less than or any advertisement that has made you feel inadequate cannot take away from who you are as an individual. You know exactly how special you are and there is no sentence or idea that can take away from your shine. How To Feel Your Best When You Don’t Feel Good Enough
Society has trained us to think that people we see in adverts are what we all should look like. This is not the case! The most beautiful thing about the human race is how special we all are inside and out. You are a real person, with a real look and a real personality. Never let an outside source determine how you feel about yourself.
You are unique. How To Feel Your Best When You Don’t Feel Good Enough
Like I mentioned above, we are all so special and unique. That is one of the coolest parts of living on this planet. There is no person that will ever be who you are. You are 100% unique and cannot be compared to anyone out there. You are beautiful and one of a kind.
When you’re feeling like comparison is becoming more prevalent in your thoughts or you have someone telling you that you don’t compare, just remind yourself how good of a thing it is. You don’t want to be like everyone else. You want to be unique. Blending in is boring!
A judgmental person is an unhappy person.
If a particular person is putting you down by making you feel inadequate, just remember that they are unhappy with their own situation. Instead of hating on yourself, love yourself enough for both you and that person. Experience the love that the judging heart is missing.
Do not take the words of others personally. They are experiencing their own insecurities that they need to handle on their own time. As hard as it may be, not taking comments to heart will be a game changer in your journey towards building your own confidence.
All in all, combating these thoughts and feelings begins with the work that you do internally. Everything starts with the way you handle these sources. When remembering the three points that have been mentioned above, you will begin to build a solid foundation for handling these awful feelings that come into each and every one of our lives.Article by Taiya Turgeon