Is there so much on your plate that you feel you don’t have time to take care of yourself – and hence would feel guilty if you took the time?
It’s a common problem – one I hear from my clients often. And it arises from a bunch of interconnected beliefs that are difficult to separate and deal with. Beliefs that limit your ability to take care of yourself even though you want to do so (and believe you should be able to).
Why You Feel Guilty About Self-Care
Conventional wisdom says that acknowledging the necessity of self-care will help you get over the guilt. But that’s not enough. I’m guessing you understand the necessity of self-care – but it’s not doing much about the guilt you feel.
Self-care guilt arises from many different – yet interrelated – factors. And to shake it, you must identify and deal with each one. Today I want to focus on 5 common reasons why you feel guilty about prioritizing self-care and what to do about them.
Reason #1: You don’t understand what self-care is.
Self-care isn’t about doing something to make you feel good, to escape, or to indulge. Yet that’s what most people think that it is. And it’s also not about putting a bunch of to-dos on your list. In fact, it’s often about taking things away from your to-do list.
Self-care is simply about taking care of yourself physically, mentally/emotionally, and spiritually so that you don’t feel a need to escape your life. The point of self-care is to take care of your mental, physical, and spiritual well-being.
What’s selfish about that? Here’s your answer: nothing.
Self-care isn’t about adding a bunch of stuff to your to-do list. It’s primarily about your mindset, what you believe about yourself, and how you live your life.
And all this worry about being selfish? If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll become needy. And needy people are always selfish. So, by NOT prioritizing self-care you’re actually being selfish. How about that for a big “aha” moment?
Reason #2: You believe that prioritizing something means you must do it at the expense of something else.
There’s a common belief that prioritizing something means that something else won’t get done. That it comes at a cost. But that’s not necessarily true. And it’s especially not true when it comes to self-care.
Here’s the equation most of us work from:
To-Do List Obligations = Work Obligations + Family Obligations + Chores + Friends + [Other Obligations]
There’s no room for self-care because we believe that adding it means taking something away from the equation. But if you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll have more stress and less energy. And your ability to get stuff done decreases. You won’t do a good job – and you might even drop the ball entirely.
So, self-care is necessary if you want to do all the things in the equation above. And it’s especially necessary if you want to do them well.
Here’s the thing: self-care isn’t even a part of the equation above. It comes into play before the equation ever comes into the picture.
Reason #3: Your self-worth is determined by your external achievements and how productive you are.
Is your self-worth determined primarily from what you achieve – and even how productive you are? Is it determined by your outcome? The problem with this is a lack of control. Although you have control over your input, you don’t have control over much of what affects the outcome.
Wouldn’t you rather base your self-worth on how you live your life – how you behave and treat others and whether you honor your deepest values? These are things that you do have control over – and it’s ultimately what will make you happy.
For help with how to clarify and honor your values, grab my Inner Compass Values Assessment workbook here:
For obvious reasons, self-care is a necessary component to your self-worth. You’re more likely to treat others well and have clarity around (plus be able to live) your values when you’re taking care of yourself.
But there’s more to it than that.
Self-care is about self-respect. If you respect yourself then you’ll take care of yourself.
And there’s no shame in asking for help. People are here for a reason – to connect with and care for others. This isn’t a one-way street. You too are meant to be cared for. So, let other people care for you by asking for help from time to time.
Reason #4: You don’t say “no” even when you want to.
This one is a biggie for the majority of my clients. They feel “obligated” to say yes – especially if being asked to use a skill or talent that they’re good at. Please don’t let others use your talents and skills against you (it’s not a requirement that you do everything you’d be good at).
Learn to say “no”. I know this is hard – I coach on it often. But start rethinking what it means to say no so that you can create strong boundaries for yourself. Because when you set and uphold strong boundaries you’re respecting yourself.
Saying “no” is really saying “yes” to yourself and those you love most. When you say “yes” to things you know you shouldn’t (and really don’t want to be doing), it’s limiting the amount of time you have to do the things you love – including serving those you love most.
One reason it’s so difficult to say “no” is because you’ve been convinced that you’re supposed to do “it all”. I’ve talked about this before: not only is doing “it all” impossible, you don’t even want it. Go back and read (or re-read the article) if you need to. It’s the biggest “should” of all time. And it’s time to drop it.
Reason #5: You treat your time as though it’s not yours.
News flash: your time is yours. No one else owns it. Act like it.
This is so simple – and obvious – yet often not fully appreciated. Stop giving your time away as though it’s endless. Because it isn’t. You won’t ever get it back once spent.
People spend a lot of time focusing on time-wasting (especially through social media). And rightly so. But just as important is how you waste your time by giving it up freely to others when you could be doing something much better for yourself.
Use your time wisely, guard it, and treat it as the precious commodity it truly is.
Practicing Self-Care is the Best Way to Honor Yourself
The best way to love and honor yourself (and treat yourself as the worthy human that you are) is to practice self-care. When you learn to prioritize it, it’ll become natural to you and a part of who you are. And you’ll be happier, healthier, and feel more you – without the guilt.
The Power of the Mind The Power of the Mind
The blessing of being human is the fact that we have a consciousness. Unlike animals, we have the ability to choose and to act upon our free will. Animals do not have free will. A horse cannot become a painter or violinist anymore than a rose can choose to become a tulip. A tree is rooted to where its seeds have been planted. If ants wish to invade the tree, there is little the tree can do. And even a horse, if a man wishes to tame a horse and breaks its will to be free, he can.
Man has dominion over the land and in the end, in spite of the horses wild and free nature, man can do what he wishes to the horse including killing it if he chooses to do so. The Power of the Mind
The human mind is not stuck inside its skull like the tree is rooted to the ground that supports it. Our mind is NOT like the horse, in that, ultimately there will be a force greater than our own that can control it. Although adult abuse survivors may feel they are being controlled by others, the truth is, it is only the belief that others can control them that is holding them back.
The mind IS like a horse and a tree in that it can get stuck and run wildly at the same time. Adult abuse survivors feel like their minds are running all over the place while their bodies, spirits, relationships, careers and alike make them feel stuck. We are vacuum sealed wild spirits who have been enslaved by the abusive and dysfunctional beliefs created by others that have been stored in the subconscious mind. The Power of the Mind
The only way out is by going within. The Power of the Mind
You are the horse and you are the rider as well. And in addition, you are the consciousness wishing to learn how to tame the horse that is your mind. You are everything and everything is you.
Today, consider the power you hold within you to be able to tame your thoughts, confront your beliefs, and direct your life where you wish it to go.
Coming face to face with the enormous power we have over our lives can be overwhelming and especially after a life lived believing we were powerless to the will of others. The Power of the Mind
Change does not come in one giant step. Like learning to talk, we make the sounds ‘da da’ and ‘ma ma’ first. Tame one thought–tame one emotion–tame one belief today and you are on your way to being able to claim and even say, I Am ‘supercalifragilisticexpialidocious’, which means, ‘I Am extraordinarily good’.
And you are Dear One…you truly are.article by lisa a. romano
How To Feel Your Best When You Don’t Feel Good Enough
One of the most soul-crushing feelings in the world is feeling like you are not good enough. Someone close to you may have caused this feeling or maybe it’s something that you have developed from viewing society as a whole. Whatever the core source is, it’s a completely un-ideal feeling that is totally reversible. How To Feel Your Best When You Don’t Feel Good Enough
When feelings like this arise, there are some important things you should definitely remember.
Your self-worth cannot be defined by an outside source.
Any voice that has told you that you are less than or any advertisement that has made you feel inadequate cannot take away from who you are as an individual. You know exactly how special you are and there is no sentence or idea that can take away from your shine. How To Feel Your Best When You Don’t Feel Good Enough
Society has trained us to think that people we see in adverts are what we all should look like. This is not the case! The most beautiful thing about the human race is how special we all are inside and out. You are a real person, with a real look and a real personality. Never let an outside source determine how you feel about yourself.
You are unique. How To Feel Your Best When You Don’t Feel Good Enough
Like I mentioned above, we are all so special and unique. That is one of the coolest parts of living on this planet. There is no person that will ever be who you are. You are 100% unique and cannot be compared to anyone out there. You are beautiful and one of a kind.
When you’re feeling like comparison is becoming more prevalent in your thoughts or you have someone telling you that you don’t compare, just remind yourself how good of a thing it is. You don’t want to be like everyone else. You want to be unique. Blending in is boring!
A judgmental person is an unhappy person.
If a particular person is putting you down by making you feel inadequate, just remember that they are unhappy with their own situation. Instead of hating on yourself, love yourself enough for both you and that person. Experience the love that the judging heart is missing.
Do not take the words of others personally. They are experiencing their own insecurities that they need to handle on their own time. As hard as it may be, not taking comments to heart will be a game changer in your journey towards building your own confidence.
All in all, combating these thoughts and feelings begins with the work that you do internally. Everything starts with the way you handle these sources. When remembering the three points that have been mentioned above, you will begin to build a solid foundation for handling these awful feelings that come into each and every one of our lives.Article by Taiya Turgeon
21 Journal Prompts to Boost Confidence and Self-Esteem Boosting Your Confidence and Self-Esteem
Boosting your confidence and self-esteem may seem like a daunting task, however, journal prompts are one way to tackle this issue! Journal prompts for healing and therapy have been used for years, and many mental health journal prompts are popping up all over to help others with their self-love and self-discovery.
Find the mental health journal prompts for your specific needs, whether it be journal prompts for kids, journal prompts for college students, or creative journal prompts. Anyone and everyone can benefit from journaling for self-esteem; I (Kay, Rose-Minded) use journal prompts for so many healing purposes.
Journal prompts not only aid self-reflection, self-discovery, and self-esteem, they also improve your mental health. This is especially true for those struggling with mental illness. If you struggle with mental illness and are looking for mental health journal prompts specific to your needs, check out Rose-Minded’s Journal Guides.
Check out the following 21 self-reflection journal prompts to help you improve your confidence and self-esteem… your mental health will thank you!
21 Journal Prompts to Boost Confidence and Self-Esteem
In your journal or notebook, start on a fresh page with the title, “Confidence” at the top. Number your responses as you go through the journal prompts and answer honestly. Try to make each answer substantial in length and quality so you get the most out of these journal prompts. You can complete the prompts in order, out of order, or choose some of your favorites to try out!
- Courage Boosting Your Confidence and Self-Esteem
What does being ‘brave’ mean to you? How have you shown courage recently? In what ways do you wish you were more courageous?
- Comfort Boosting Your Confidence and Self-Esteem
What situations make you uncomfortable and why? List 10, then list 10 ways you could adjust your mindset to feel more comfortable in the previously listed situations.
- Self-Respect Boosting Your Confidence and Self-Esteem
Who do you know that radiates self-respect? How can you tell this person respects themselves?
List 10 people you’re grateful for, and why.
List 10 places you are grateful exist, and why.
List 10 objects in your life you’re grateful to have, and why.
What are some ways you could be more positive in your daily life? How do you think a positive attitude affects confidence and self-esteem?
Consider the past week, what brought you bliss? How could you tell you were experiencing happiness?
Related: Bliss Aromatherapy Roller
Why do you consider yourself worthy of love and respect? If you don’t currently feel this way about yourself, who do you know what does? How can you tell they know the value of their self-worth?
Consider your views on morality; what would you consider your personal morals to be? Do you view yourself as an ethical/moral person, why or why not?
List 10 of your personal interests and hobbies in your journal. What do these interests represent about you?
Without looking in a mirror or reflection, choose 10 of your favorite physical qualities and list them. Why are these your favorite, and how did you come to choose these 10?
Think over the past week and list 10 ways you took care of yourself (big or small). How did each of these ways benefit your health and wellness?
What motivates you? When a deadline is quickly approaching, how do you jump-start productivity? How is motivation important for boosting your confidence?
- Goals Boosting Your Confidence and Self-Esteem
List 10 personal development goals and why they’re important to you.
Example: Boost Confidence!
- Intelligence Boosting Your Confidence and Self-Esteem
Who do you consider to be an intelligent person? What intelligent qualities do you see in yourself? How do you think someone could improve their intelligence?
Aside from caffeine or other energy enhancing substances, what lifts your energy levels? What specific emotions/feelings do you experience when you feel ‘revived’?
Related: Revival Aromatherapy Roller
How often do you compare yourself to others, and how can you tell? How could comparing yourself to others be harmful to your own self-esteem?
What would loving yourself look like? Do you love yourself, why? List 10 reasons you love yourself!
Take 3 deep breaths and let your thoughts come and go without judgment. How does staying in the present moment, breathing, and observing your thoughts without judgment help boost confidence? If you’re unsure about how mindfulness can help improve your mental health, check out 5 Ways Mindfulness Affects Your Brain.
- Body Positivity
Do you feel body size/shape affects someone’s ability to be completely confident, why/why not? How could accepting and loving your body the way it is improve your self-esteem?
When you need some ‘me-time’, check out Anthropologie’s Luxuriating Mineral Bath Soak with organic rose petals to help you feel pampered!
When you’re stressed out, what helps to calm you down? List 10 ways you find serenity in your life. How could reducing stress benefit your confidence levels?
Related: Serenity Aromatherapy Roller
What is your personality type, and how do you think this affects your self-esteem? How could knowing your personality type make you more confident?article by kayla uimari
How To Bring Out The Best In Yourself
Because it’s worth trying to be the best version of yourself…article by rachel baskin
In life, we all want to be able to be the very best versions of ourselves. But sometimes, that’s just so much easier said than done. We all get swept up in our lives and tend to live very robotically. Because it’s comforting to have a routine and way of life that works for you. However, when you’re not living up to your potential or you don’t feel happy, then this could be the worst thing for you. Sometimes, when you want to make sure that you’re bringing out the best in yourself, you have to make a conscious decision to focus on the right things. And this is actually easier said than done. So if you’re ready to become the best version of yourself. Here’s what you need to do.
- Stay True To Your Faith
The very first thing you’ll want to do is to get closer to your faith. If you really want to be at your best, then you need to focus on your connection to Him. Because he will bring you closer to your goals and allow you to shine in your best life. Make sure that you’re considering all of the different ways of Christian Ministry you can turn to here. By staying true to your faith and focusing on your connection, you’ll be closer to your best self.
- Focus On Your Health
From here, you’re then going to want to make sure that you’re working on your health. Because when you want a chance at becoming the very best version of yourself, it means that you need to be able to happy and healthy. If you’re not taking care of your body, then you’re leaving a lot of potential on the table. So it’s time to change your mindset. Focus on how you feel, and work exercise and nutrition into your life to improve on that.
- Work On Your Career
Next, you’re then going to want to focus on your career. If you’ve ever had any business dreams, or you know that you want to progress to a certain position in your industry, then work on it. The best version of you will have goals. And if you’re going to get there, you need to work on the right steps that will make your career dreams come true. So it’s time to put the work in.4. Help Others
Another thing that you can do to become the best version of yourself is to help others. By doing things to improve the lives of others and healing through service, you’ll be giving back. Selfness is a great way to bring yourself closer to Him and be a good person too.
- Pursue Your Passion
Finally, if you want to feel happy and at your best, then you’re going to want to make sure that you have things in your life that you love. It’s healthy to have a passion or an interest in something. It gives you something to focus on and enjoy. Whether it’s music or reading or art or playing sports, by making time for your passion, you’ll be bringing out your own happiness.
Protecting Yourself From Energy Vampiresarticle by Ashton Saldana
As I was coming into this new way of existing, it was extremely important that I protect myself and, to the best of my ability, filter the energy coming into my life. I had figured out how to generally live each day with a positive mindset, yet, as an empath, it was virtually impossible to go unaffected by the words & vibes of others. It was quite frustrating to feel like all of my progress was easily tampered with because I was absorbing the emotions and energy of other people that had yet to seek clarity in their lives. I acknowledged the “energy vampires” in my world and decided I had to set boundaries. We have certain friends or family members that literally suck the life out of us, but I noticed it wasn’t one specific characteristic that would kill my buzz – these energy vampires come in all shapes and sizes. For example, we all have that narcissistic friend or the coworker with the poor-me mentality, but here are some other qualities a person may exhibit that is inadvertently is depleting you.
Often referred to as negative Nancy’s, these individuals have tunnel vision when it comes to bad things happening. No matter what, they will focus on what is wrong in a situation instead of having a grateful mindset.
Then you have the egomaniac that dominates every conversation. It starts and ends with them. Basically, you feel like a sounding board instead of a participant in a two-way conversation. It’s downright exhausting.
The “judger” is sure to drop you down to earth when you share your exciting ideas or positive outlook on something! In order for them to feel valued they devalue you. It’s important to remember that the things they put other people down for are typically the areas where most of their insecurities lie; deflection at its finest.
The drama-starter– they live off of spectacles and circulating rumors. I’ve definitely indulged in my inner gossip girl, but it is so much more peaceful not getting involved and minding my own damn business.
The victim– they speak as if they are the only ones to encounter misfortunes and are constantly in a rut. In some bizarre way, they feed off of the pity, and it’s a never-ending cycle with these people.
I don’t want to feel overwhelmed, drained, or like a need a cocktail after talking to someone. We all experience lows, but when the above behaviors start to be the norm, it’s time for you to limit your interactions and start building a resistance towards their antics. Once I was able to identify the sources, my interactions with these people slightly changed and I immediately felt the benefits. Remember, you have a choice. If you decide to continue to engage in the vortex of negativity, then you can only blame yourself. If you respectfully decline to be a part of their day to day blunders, then you are taking a step in the right direction to protecting your quality of life. I’ve done a lot of work on myself to seek solace for my soul, so I don’t take jeopardizing that lightly. It’s unfortunate when we see the people we care so deeply about being lost in the abyss of negativity but remember you only have the power to control yourself and your involvement.
Alas, sometimes we need to distance ourselves from the people we care most about, but at the end of the day, your sole purpose is making sure you are living the life you intended, with gratitude, happiness, & love, and dissolving the relationships that make you feel empty, tired, and defeated.
Since I can only control to a certain extent how much I avoid certain individuals on a regular basis, I turned to Reiki healing. My intentions with Reiki were to clear out any blocks I had and to develop an invisible shield to negative energy. After my 60-minute session, I felt like I had just received a life-changing transformation. In the most simplistic terms, it’s like a massage for your energy. I felt a wide range of relief, from the soreness in my shoulders to an overall sense of inner peace. Some things that were weighing on me emotionally instantly were gone when my session concluded. I went with an open mind, and this Japanese healing technique definitely had a positive impact on my overall well being.
Everyday Life Tips to Being Truly Independentarticle by Roxana Oliver
Feeling independent is one of the best feelings in the world! It gives people freedom, a sense of self-worth, and even helps save up a few dollars every now and then. However, just because you moved out of your parents’ house, have a family of your own or just bought a new property, it doesn’t mean you’re an independent individual! Fortunately, these everyday life tips will certainly provide you with knowledge and motivation to be truly independent.
In the house
Owning a home or an apartment is an amazing thing that gives people a lot of independence and freedom. On the other hand, being a property owner also carries many responsibilities if you want to have a beautiful, safe, and cost-effective home. For instance, don’t let yourself call a plumber just because you need to unclog your drains or toilet. Instead, start with a plunger; if it fails, move to the drain snake, and finish off with a chemical drain cleaner. Most clogs will give in to these tools and solutions in half an hour max!
Another thing you can fix quickly and efficiently is squeaky doors! Just spray some WD-40 on the hinges (or cooking oil if you don’t have the real deal), and close and open the door for a minute until the fluid gets into the creaky parts.
Smaller roof issues like missing or worn-out shingles can also be easily taken care of with only a few nails and new shingles. Just be careful how you climb your roof!
In the kitchen
There’s nothing independent in basing your entire diet on a pizza delivery and Chinese takeaway, especially when there are so many amazing meals you can prepare with only a few ingredients! For instance, making a good omelet takes 10 minutes, a pan, some eggs and your desired toppings (from smoked salmon or bacon to chives and red bell pepper).
Another thing you need to know how to prepare is chicken soup. This simple dish can help cure a cold and flu or just offer some comfort and warmth in the cold winter days. All you need is some stock, a bit of chicken meat, a lot of healthy veggies, and some seasoning. Simple pasta (mac and cheese from the box doesn’t count) should also be somewhere among your recipes. There are so many amazing pasta dishes you can make from 5 simple ingredients, and most of the time there’s absolutely no way you can mess it up!
With your car
Unless you’re planning to be a car mechanic, you don’t have to know everything about your car. However, every independent and responsible road user needs to know a few things about their vehicle. The first thing concerns your car maker, specific model, and the year it was manufactured. Many things like fluids, parts, and car accessories depend on the manufacturer and the car’s year, so you really need to know these, otherwise, you’re risking getting the wrong parts. This might seem very obvious, but there are many people out there who actually don’t know their car’s year of manufacture.
Another thing every responsible and independent car owner has to know about their vehicle is how to deal with car fluids—engine oil, coolant, brake fluid, power steering fluid, and windshield washer fluid. Checking oil levels, refilling the tank, and even replacing the fluid are all quite easy tasks and you have hundreds of amazing tutorials online that can additionally help. You really don’t have to pay a mechanic to do these things for you.
You also have to check for your tire pressure regularly. This is another very important, yet an easy task, which can save you a lot of money and make your rides much safer. For instance, if you’re driving a small SUV, many newer models have a Pressure Monitoring System that will alert you when you need extra air. If your older car model doesn’t have an electronic air pressure system, remember that a simple tire pressure gauge costs only about $20, so there are really no excuses to drive flat!
When you travel
Traveling is usually a social activity, but truly independent individuals aren’t afraid to embark on an adventure by themselves! Solo traveling is gaining popularity among both genders, and more and more young people choose to travel alone. Really, there’s nothing to be afraid of, especially if you use your common sense, pack well, and make proper preparations.
Another thing an independent traveler should know is how to find the best plane tickets and cheapest accommodation. Don’t grab the first ticket you see. Wait a little, make frequent checks (in incognito mode!!!), and don’t shy away from budget airlines! When it comes to accommodation, you can check out hostels and Airbnbs. Also, don’t forget to collect hotel points when you opt for this type of accommodation—you can exchange them for free stays!
There are a lot more things a successful and independent adult has to know, but these four are the bare minimum. Nevertheless, they will certainly inspire you to learn other useful life hacks and become even more emancipated!article by Roxana Oliver
I have been asked this question many times – how has fashion really changed for you in your 40s? I think the natural progression of our lives is akin to a closed flower bud progressing to a flower in full bloom. As we age, our petals slowly unfurl and by the time we reach our forties our lives resemble a multi-layered flower. Many of us have families, children, relationships, aging parents, high-pressure jobs, health issues and other aspects that are part and parcel of a life in full bloom with all its beauty, responsibilities and complications. This natural progression definitely has an impact on our fashion sensibilities. While I agree that age is only a number, my fashion preferences have definitely evolved over the years and hopefully for the better. In my forties, I have found the following to hold true:
1. A higher comfort level/acceptance of natural body shape: By the time you arrive in your forties, you have lived with your body for long enough to know a few things for certain. Genetics is a powerful force and acceptance is a necessary happiness-inducing life skill. We all have a natural body shape and they all have their pros and cons. For me, the key to fashion happiness is to recognize your natural body shape, accept it, and then dress in a way to accentuate your obvious advantages and draw attention away from your perceived disadvantages. For example, I am pear-shaped and my top half is smaller than my bottom half. I rarely struggle with finding tops that fit but it is considerably harder to find a pair of trousers that fit well. I have now accepted that I will never fit into a pencil dress off the shelf – for a pencil dress to fit me well, will always require alterations to be made. I think by the time the forties arrive, you just accept that certain styles will always work, will sometimes work and some will never work. I truly believe that this personal knowledge of what works for you is the holy grail of being well dressed, and the chance of finding it in your forties is significantly higher than ever before.
2. Comfort may not always be a priority but it is definitely a pre-thought rather than an afterthought: My life has definitely included uncomfortable fashion moments where I have chosen to wear items that became more uncomfortable with every passing moment and finally the discomfort has ruined the party mood. The true toll of an uncomfortable fashion decision is often felt the next day with bruised skin and painful feet bearing witness to your folly. In my forties, discomfort, cold and pain are not worth the fashion statement, no matter how glorious. If I am going to be on my feet all day – then no heels for me and if it’s going to be a cold day – I carry an appropriate jacket even if it impedes my style statement. In the course of my fourth decade, I am far more practical in my fashion choices and happier for it.
3. A more adventurous approach to style: Contrary to popular belief, I think many of us become more adventurous in our readiness to try new styles in our forties. I find that I am far more open to experimenting with fashion than ever before. A few good reasons may explain this adventurous streak. a) peer pressure doesn’t carry the weight it may have in earlier years. What will my friends think is no longer relevant – my good friends will be honest and supportive and what I think is most important. b) Your own ability to judge your fashion choices is far more astute – I know when something looks terrible and no amount of desire to be ‘on trend’ will let me step out in it. Therefore, I now make it a point to at least try on shapes and silhouettes that I may not have done in the past and often I am pleasantly surprised with the results.
4. An unapologetic acceptance of your personal style statement: I think we all have personal preferences in terms of the type of fashion we are drawn to – a personal signature fashion style that we are most likely to exhibit without consciously trying something different. I have always been drawn to floral girlie styles or overtly ethnic styles in Indian wear and this constitutes the DNA of my personal style statement. I am no longer apologetic for being drawn to floral numbers when friends say, ‘That looks like something you would wear’. Yes, it is something I would wear because I enjoy wearing it – it’s really that simple.
5. Willingness to pay more for quality: When I was in my twenties, I had a hard time understanding why a cashmere sweater cost four times the amount of another sweater or why a feather down jacket was so much more expensive. I still love a bargain, but now I am willing to pay more for quality because it matters more to me. The good news is that in your forties you may also be in a better financial position than in your twenties (I fully understand this may not always be the case) and have more disposable income to buy better quality. In my forties, I finally understand that certain things cost more because they provide a greater benefit such as increased warmth, and it is my choice to pay more for that extra benefit.
Personally, I am enjoying fashion as a ‘thing’ more in my forties than ever before. We are lucky to live in a world that is far more accepting of the idea of ‘female fashion choice’ than any of the generations before. Forties fashion is just as pleasurable as fashion at other ages because the fundamentals told true at any age – wear what you enjoy and your personal fashion statement is unique and yours to make.
In the lookbook below, I am wearing an A-line dress – I enjoy wearing that shape as it always works well for my pear-shaped body. I love flat boots as the comfort they provide in walking around town is second to none. These beauties are made from a stretch fabric that clings to my leg and doesn’t slide down – making this a ‘winning boot’ as far as I am concerned. I have layered my dress with a wool turtleneck, sleeveless coat and a blanket scarf (I love the juxtapositioning of the polka dots and stripes) to stay warm and avoid a bulky coat, which I am hoping to pack away for many months in the near future.
I hope you enjoy this post (feedback would be welcome) and have a great week ahead.article by isha sodhi
What Creates Lack of Inner Peace?What Creates Lack of Inner Peace?
ARTICLE BY mARY ALLEN What Creates Lack of Inner Peace?
What Creates Lack of Inner Peace?
Great question. What Creates Lack of Inner Peace?
Since we’re all busy, let’s sum it up quickly in one catch-all word.
Resistance to “what is.”
Let me explain.
Resistance is when we’re pushing back mentally, emotionally or spiritually to some aspect of life. Or many aspects of life, right? There can be so much to resist in our personal lives — how we feel, self-judgment, our bank accounts, chaos, clutter, relationships, whining, exhaustion, poor health, disease, responsibilities, and choices (too many or not enough). And, that’s before we start evaluating the outside world with horrific mass shootings, suffering and divisive politics. The lists are endless. Argh!
But stay with me, there is hope.
Let’s explore further.
What is resistance?
Resistance often shows up as a thought or judgment about what “should or shouldn’t be” or how someone “should or shouldn’t” behave. Resistance can show up as an icky emotion, like self-doubt, fear or overwhelm. Resistance can show up as the “something is off” when you aren’t fully connected to your best self.
Having lead lots of one day and multi-day events, and countless group coaching programs, I know talking about “resistance” often bring up resistance. Oy! It’s more helpful if we can objectively look at the many faces resistance, so we can see it for what it is and isn’t, and then gently learn to relax resistance.
So before we go any further, stop and take a deep breath. INHALE 1, 2, 3, 4 and H-O-L-D 1, 2, 3 and 4………and EXHALE (as you drop those shoulders). Let’s do that again….
Take a DEEP breath IN and
H-O-L-D 1, 2, 3 and 4………
and EXHALE (as you drop those shoulders).
Resistance shows up in many shapes and disguises. My clients have found it helpful to get super curious about the different flavors of resistance, especially when we’re “in it!”
* Worry is resisting a future that hasn’t happened (and may not happen).
* Overwhelm shows up when we’re resisting a single focus (letting go of competing demands momentarily).
* Control is also a form of resistance. When we fixate on control, we’re resisting uncertainty.
* Procrastination is resisting action or flow.
* Victimhood arises when we resist our power or resist taking full responsibility.
* Regret is resisting the past.
* Anxiety is resisting our ability to handle something.
* Anger is a strong resistance to what is.
* Depression often arises when we resist feeling our feeling fully.
* Attachment is resisting the potential of loss or alternative solutions.
* Minimizing self is resisting who we are, our strengths, accomplishments, gifts, and abilities.
This is by no means a complete list. We could dive deeper into any one of these patterns of resistance, and explore other forms of resistance layered into these sticky emotions. I just want to get you thinking about resistance in a new way.
We can also resist the natural flow, self-care, rest, good habits, great choices, asking for help, self-reflection, unmet expectations, deciding, slowing down, or seeing reality for what it is or isn’t. And, of course, we can resist all the same aspects in others.
Self Compassion is Key
Chances are, you relate to many, if not all of the forms of resistance named above. That’s what people share privately with me. That could feel deflating.
But, we’re all human. We all resist. In similar and different ways.
Instead of chastising yourself, be generous with self-compassion.
Is all resistance bad?
No. Resisting that chocolate cake, starting one more Netflix episode, or resisting screaming at a beloved…. are all more likely healthy choices supporting our overall inner peace, and others too!
Also, if we use resistance as a guiding nudge to keep us on track, determining the best “yes” or “no, or set clear boundaries, then it’s helpful resistance. It’s momentary. We get the guidance and respond.
However, when we dwell in resistance, the one thing we know for sure is we’re squashing the flow of inner peace while feeding harmful emotions inside of ourselves.
Inner peace can’t thrive in resistance.
Tell me about a moment when inner peace is absence, and you and I will be able to find resistance lurking is some shape or form.
We might say that it’s impossible to not resist the awful things that have happened in our world lately, like the recent mass shootings in Parkland, FL and Las Vegas, NV and, and, and. Certainly, in the moment, it always breaks my heart, often to tears, for the innocent lives lost and families forever affected.
But, let’s step back for a minute.
No matter how justified the resistance, if I dwell in resistance, it costs me dearly. If I remain sad or angry, replaying horrific scenes in my mind, again and again, I cut off access to inner peace. My health is compromised. I’m less productive and focused. I feel awful. And, I notice, it doesn’t bring back lives.
This is true for everyone who is living in resistance, including you.
How can we relax resistance?
I promised you hope. We don’t have to live in a constant state of resistance. And when resistance arises, and it will, we can learn to relax it.
First, we have to become aware of the resistance.
We can notice contraction of some kind — unpleasant feelings, annoying thoughts, tightness in the body.
Invite more breathing.
Invite more presence.
Invite intention to relax resistance.
Awareness itself connects us to the part of us that is inherently at peace. It allows us to loosen the grip. Awareness is your gateway to inner peace. So is compassion.
Relaxing resistance takes practice.
Yoga is an excellent place to practice relaxing resistance, physically, mentally and emotionally. Since it offers a physical metaphor, let’s start here.
I’m always surprised by how much resistance is stored within my body, even when I feel relatively balanced. And I’m always surprised at how the body relaxes to the invitation to relax resistance. But, with intention, the body, mind and spirit respond.
I notice the tightness. I breathe. The body relaxes into the uncomfortable stretch. I notice the fear of letting go. I breathe. The scary feelings diminish, the muscles let go a bit more. I surrender. I breathe. I keep fueling the intention to relax resistance. And miraculously, more spaciousness arises.
And as you relax and surrender,
you experience what rests behind the resistance.
We can bring these principles to any moment we’ve habitually resisted.
Think of a moment that instinctively invites resistance, perhaps a partner’s heavy sigh indicating disapproval, a child’s whining, another person’s rudeness, criticism from a loved one, traffic, being on hold with customer service, sitting in the dentist’s chair, disappointment, big emotions, a button-pushing social media post, or the judgmental moment looking in the mirror.
The resistance may be subtle or ginormous, but it’s easier to start with smaller triggers.
Find ONE point of resistance.
Practice consciously relaxing resistance.
You’ll likely surprise yourself with how much resistance you can calm by simply inviting awareness, curiosity, compassion and the intention to relax. And, in many cases, it’ll take longer to genuine diffuse a trigger.
I’d love to hear your stories and thoughts about resistance below. What Creates Lack of Inner Peace?