What do you do when your partner wakes up one day and says “I don’t know if I love you anymore?”
Unfortunately, this happens to be a reoccurring situation among many women and men, regardless of their looks, career, or personality. We often think, “This won’t happen to me, my husband loves me,” or “What did I do wrong? I’m kind, good looking, intelligent, and I loved my partner unconditionally.”
Does this sound familiar?
The first mistake we make is ask ourselves, “What did I do wrong,” as opposed to “What went wrong and how can we overcome it.”
Naturally we tend to self blame and put ourselves down when a problem occurs in a marriage or a romantic relationship. We tear ourselves apart and question our worth because we convince ourselves it’s our fault.
Well, it’s not your fault! This is the first thing you must tell yourself if this happens to you.
Going through this situation is not easy. Here’s a few steps you can take to make the process easier:
- Suggest space in your relationship to your spouse, but only for a short period of time. Allowing space will give you both time to think about the situation. This is important for both of you not just one of you! During your time apart reflect on how you can move forward as opposed to dwelling in the past and the hurt.Keep communication open between the two of you, complete silence could hurt the relationship even further.
- Take care of YOU! You are the most important person, know one can take care of you better then yourself. Be sure to tell yourself positive and uplifting things on a daily basis. Keeping your mind positive and healthy is key to moving forward regardless of the outcome. Meditate, take yoga, allow yourself to decompress from the situation.
- Do something great for yourself. Jump into something that you’ve been wanting to do for awhile. Maybe it’s losing a few pounds, taking a ballroom dance class, going back to school, or even opening that business you’ve always wanted. Whatever you want to do, you can do it!
- Have a few friends to confine in. Having ears to listen to you is extremely important. Bottling up your emotions will only make you go crazy! Choose a few close friends to talk with that will uplift you, listen to you, and create a positive environment. Try to distance yourself from friends that will gossip about your situation or feed your emotions in a negative way. We all have them, it’s not their intention, they just really love you and are passionate about your well being.
- Take the time to think objectively about the situation! This is a two way street, you matter just as much as your spouse. Sometimes our loved ones cause to much damage to the relationship making it in-repairable and unsafe mentally. You must objectively ask yourself “Can you still work together towards a healthy relationship?” “Are you both open to change in order to progress,” and “Is this the right thing for you and your future?” Do not allow this to become a one-sided relationship. You deserve to be happy!
- Be Kind! Don’t allow the situation to get the best of you. When you’re ready to talk, be kind and do your best to speak calmly! Listen openly (really listen) and allow your spouse to talk uninterrupted. Breathe, Listen, Contribute.
For more help and understanding read the “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman